"I tell you: one must have chaos within oneself, to give birth to a dancing star."
-Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot."
-D.H. Lawrence


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Things I Miss...



Before I left America I made a list about the things I would miss about living in the Southwest. While some of these things have stayed the same, a lot of it has changed. I don't think you know how you're really going to feel about something before it happens, no matter how much preparation time you may have. I had time to think about this and prepare for it ( a little bit of time). I thought a lot about how hard it would be, yet how exciting. I tried to anticipate the things that would be difficult for me so that when the events occurred, I would be able to sit back and think "hey, it's okay, you knew this was coming." And for the most part, I have been able to do this without too much difficulty. However, there have been some things that I really miss that sort of surprised me.

-Commercialization. As silly as that sounds, it's true. I really miss how much we hyped everything up in America. Halloween, for instance. I loved how ABC family played family Halloween movies all through October, and how lots of people decorated with luminaries (I think that's what they're called?), scarecrows, pumpkins, witches, and all that stuff. It's just not that big of a deal here. They do have candy and costumes and a few decorative items in super markets and stuff like that, but it's just not the same.

-Being able to drive. Now, that's not a cultural difference. It's just that Mick is still working on getting his driver's license, and I can't afford to drive here because insurance is really ridiculously disgustingly expensive. Once I get a job I will take some lessons just so I can get used to driving on the other side of the road, and the other side of the car, and with the shifter on my left side. And round-abouts and narrow roads. All of that. But for the time being, if we can't get somewhere without walking, taking the bus, or getting a lift, we just don't do it. It definitely limits our activities, so I'm looking forward to Mick being done with all his lessons and tests and stuff.

-Family. I knew this one was going to be the hardest. Apart from the day to day stuff that I miss (having lunch with mom, catching a movie with dad, going to Stone Brewery with my brother and his wife, going shopping with my sister, or playing boardgames with my brother in law and niece) there are also the big things. Being so far away meant that the only family that could make it to my wedding were my parents. My sister qualified for a huge riding competition in Mexico this month and because we're so far away, Mick and I won't be able to make it and the rest of the family is going. That's been a bummer- I'm really proud of my sister and wish so much that I could be there to root for her. This family stuff has been the hardest thing. Most days it's totally fine, I talk to my mom on skype a few times a week and we facebook chat often, I talk to my dad once a week and to my brother and sister when I can. But there have been those moments that hit me like a train and I realize- "oh wow. this is permanent." And I'm left with this really scared and sad feeling. But it always goes away.

-Having a job. Now, of course everybody wishes they could just get money and not have a job. But I do miss working. I miss getting up and having somewhere to be, getting a paycheck and interacting with colleagues. Some days I even miss my students. But I'm hoping my visa will go through soon and then I'll be able to work and get going there.

-Yuma. Now, it's not so much Yuma itself that I miss. I just miss certain things about it. The sunsets, my parents' house. Kneaders and Buffalo Wild Wings. Going to visit Outback where I worked for so long. Target! Oh man, I miss Target so much! And Barnes & Nobles, too! Juliana's Cafe. How American Starbucks do Pumpkin Spice lattes. I've checked at one Starbucks around here and there was no Pumpkin Spice Latte :( I know these things aren't all unique to Yuma, but it all made up the whole. Oh and sushi! As far as I can tell sushi isn't that big of a deal here and I miss it so much!

-Friends. This one hasn't been quite as hard as family, but it's still rough. I do get lonely here, but I know once I get a job I'll make some friends, though they'll never replace the ones back home. Like Tabatha, Brittany, Celeste. The ones who've been through it all with me. I hope they can all come visit me soon. Because I miss them loads.


And as far as the picture goes... that's what they say, isn't it? "Home is where the heart is." I can't predict the future, but I have a feeling that Arizona/California will always be home. And because such a big part of my life was there, and so many people I love are still there, part of my heart will always be there. But England is starting to feel a bit like home, as well. And as more things fill my heart here- friends, a house, children- it will become home, too. And at the end of the day, that's two homes. Two sets of friends, two families, two places I love. How much luckier can a girl get?

4 comments:

  1. I think we hit 108 today. Just sayin'... ;)
    I know what you mean- while Texas isn't as far to AZ as AZ is to the UK, I feel like I'm on the other side of the world.
    You're so fortunate to have this opportunity though! Enjoy it and I'm sure after I gain those Post-Thanksgiving pounds, I'll think of you and say to myself: lucky b*tch!
    OH! & I quit teaching. Voluntarily. :)

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  2. I'm going to definitely try to do a little Thanksgiving here!
    What made you decide to quit teaching?

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  3. My parents immigrated here, and I often imagine what a huge, scary step that must have been. I think even now (30 years later), there are still things they miss, even though there are so many more things they have come to love. Sending you lots of positive energy for your transition!

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  4. Thanks, Adele :) I imagine that would be a much bigger transition- going from Poland to America. The language barrier alone is really intimidating. I know there are things here that I will prefer, and in fact already do- and I will write a post focusing on these things very soon!

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