A Revival

I haven't been here since August. That's a very long time, and life has shown us several big changes since then.
I think part of me was resigned to the fact that I would give up this blog. Life was busy (as it always is) and I didn't have the time or inspiration to continue to make this space a beautiful one. But I must make a confession - I have been a downright nasty person to be around as of late. My poor, dear, sweet husband has caught the brunt of it and most of the time I didn't even realise how horrible I was being until I saw the hurt in his eyes after an argument settled, or until I heard the anger in his voice.
The only thing I know is that when I am stressed and frazzled, I become un-fun and snappy. I become a lot like a teenager who doesn't like to hear any criticism, but especially the word "no."
I need a therapy, of sorts, to keep myself happy. Expressing goes a long way. I remember back in high school, I used to dump my stresses during my least favourite (and weakest) subject- math. It would have done me a lot more good, academically, to sit and pay attention, but it did more for my state of mind to get out some notebook paper and just write. I wrote poems, short stories, even took a few cracks at novels. Nothing ever came of it and sadly, I've lost most of those poems and stories, but it felt good. Another release I discovered around the same time was photography. I found that, after a teenage argument with my mother, a trip to the desert with my little digital camera did me a lot of good. A few years later, I took a photography course at the community college and invested in a good little starter digital SLR. I would lose myself behind the lense, become engrossed in finding the perfect shutter and f-stop combination, and find delight in tweaking the focus just right. Whatever worries plagued my mind could be easily forgotten. In a world where I so often feel like I have no control, getting behind the viewfinder and manipulating the settings of a camera, taking a world that, to me, in that moment, feels ugly, and changing it into something beautiful with this little machine makes me feel ok and reminds me that there is always beauty to be find.

And so, I resolve to write here regularly again, and to take more pictures. I got my camera out a few weeks ago and it sits on the piano (no, we don't play [though Mick can dabble], but it sure is a great place to set all our crap).

So, what has happened since August? Sheesh. A lot. Let me break it down by month for you.

September:
We celebrated our one year anniversary in London. Mick's mom and dad bought us tickets to see "We Will Rock You," a West End musical based on the music of Queen. Oh, did we love it. I quickly bought all of Queen's greatest hits that I was missing. A few days later I started a new job for a recruitment company that specialises in accountancy and fiance. I do a lot of administrative type work, and it's a really great place to work. The people are great and I'm always kept on my toes. A few days later Mick caught up with me by turning 26. Hah.

November:
I had a nasty cold that stopped me dead in my tracks. Mom sent me some Thanksgiving decorations to get me out of an autumn/germy funk. We celebrated a big of a Celtic Thanksgiving, plus a South African. The food was good and I enjoyed being in the kitchen all day.

December:
The countdown to my biggest wish was dwindling down - on December 15th we hopped on a plane and got to visit home for the first time since I moved here. We spent two weeks with my family, time split between Arizona and Southern California. I caught up with my parents and siblings, loved up on my niece and nephew, and shared good laughs with good friends whom I've missed loads. The time went too fast, and with a confusing mixture of sadness and joy, we came back to England.

February:
Another move... Mick's dad kindly asked us if we'd like to rent his house since he is remarrying and moving in with his lucky lady. We were ecstatic for the opportunity to live in the beautiful village in a lovely house with a lot more space and room to grow.

March:
I passed my driving test the first time (quite an accomplishment in England, the driving tests are brutal here!) and got a new car, a lovely little Skoda which may or may not take a lot of work...

That pretty much brings you up to date. There have been other things in between, which I'll share in photos.

Continuing developing my cooking skills

Spending as much time as possible with this guy

A fair amount of snow this winter (that's our new house from the garden!)

And a lot of ice...

And just enough down-time to keep me going

I'll be back soon, I promise. I've missed this place.

xo

Going the Distance

In writing this blog, in telling the story of Aindrea and Mick, and in talking to people face to face, I've been surprised to hear how many of them (the women, really) want what I have. I'm not surprised that they want a fantastic husband who is also your best friend, but they want the whole process. It happens almost daily, a customer at the pub will notice that I'm obviously not from around here, ask where I'm from.
"America"
"Oh, what are you doing all the way over here."
"I married an Englishman."
"Oh, how did you meet?"
"We met online as teenagers. Over the years we kept in touch finally met, and now here we are."
"Oh, how romantic, what a love story!"
And I'm always a little bit surprised. Even a friend of mine said to me once, "I want what you have. I want that love story and I want a British boy."
We all want a love story, and we all deserve a great one. British men are plenty nice, but they're still just men. What I don't think people realize is just how hard it all is, and how much it entails. I love Mick more that anything in the world, but would I recommend that any couple go through what we did? Absolutely not. It's hard, it hurts, you find the most stupid things to argue about when you're apart, and you just end up not being very nice to each other a lot of the time. Not because you're horrible or you don't love each other, but because you're so frustrated with the situation and you don't know how else to express it. We were only apart for 7 months, but in that time, we had a lot of arguments, a lot of doubts, and I even had to visit the ER twice because I was in so much stress, I had a panic attack that lasted for several days.
Mick and I have both talked about this, and we have agreed that if, for some reason (God forbid) things didn't work out for us, we wouldn't do this again, with another person. Would I do it again, with Mick? Yes, because what we have is special and unbreakable. It takes unquestionable and complete trust, a lot of faith, and the kind of love you only find once in a lifetime.
I think it's really important that people don't limit themselves. If you decide at some point in your life that you're going to have, x,y,z (in my friends case, a British man), you're going to be focused on only one area. And if you do that, you're going to limit yourself and you might miss out on something really fantastic. Perhaps a Swedish guy? An Australian guy? A guy from New York or Vancouver, or, most desirably, a guy from your own town. Don't put yourself in a box, be open to life and all the surprises that life sends your way. I didn't plan to fall in love with an English boy, but it fell in my lap, I discovered how important he was to me and I decided that, come hell or high water, I'd fight to keep him. We can't help who we love, and so that also means that you can't make yourself love someone. You might find someone who checks all the boxes on your list, but at the end of the day, you might really surprise yourself with what you actually want.

Today I met a girl in the pub, and she asked all those typical questions. Once she realized we had been long distance, she immediately launched into all these questions about how she should handle a sitation with a guy that is long distance. I immediately recalled the insecurities, the desperation, the excitement, and the sadness. Let me tell you, I didn't envy this girl one little bit. I basically told her that she just had to be open, honest, and decide what would work for her, and would just have to go with the flow.
And then she spoke the words, "but I don't want to just wait and see, I want to know."
I could have laughed out loud. Not because it's funny what she said, or that it's so unusual or unreasonable to want to know how love will turn out, but because I can remember saying that to my mom, or to Brittany, curled up on her couch and wallowing in the distance. "I just want to know if we're going to make it." Over and over. I was such a broken record. I wished the girl luck and walked away wondering when I'd become Dr. Love, but I was glad to be able to help, because I certainly know how she feels.
Nobody has a crystal ball (as my mom has told me over and over and over my entire life when I worry about something) and we can't know how something is going to turn out.
But isn't not knowing half the fun?

I guess I just wanted to bring some light to the situation. I'm not saying I'm not really happy, because I am. I have snagged an amazing opportunity- I'm living in another country and learning about another culture, I'm a newlywed and the world is my oyster. But we're still a couple, like anyone else. We fight. I'm sometimes really unreasonable, and he's sometimes really insensitive. I get sad and homesick and want to go home somedays, and he gets sad about that. But each day, we wake up in the same bed, happy to see the other there. And that's all we wanted for so very long.

You just have to greet life with open arms, take what it gives you, and turn that into something that makes you want to get up every day and smile at the world. I found it in an English boy, but you mind find it somewhere else. And that is beautiful.

A Moment

It happened Saturday night. The pub was relentlessly busy, a coworker had a sick son and couldn't make it in, so three of us were pulling it together and making it work without so much as a breath between customers. I was baptised with fire that night, learning by doing. I stood, mixing a Malibu and diet coke facing the back part of the bar where all the spirits are stored. I glanced up to reach for something and caught my face in the mirrored back-splash. I looked younger than I have felt in a few years; fresh faced and wide eyed, eating up the new. I thought about how much my life has changed in the past year. That tired, drawn "teacher face" is gone. I saw freshness, newness. I thought of my Mick, and of the huge thing I've done for him- us, even for me at the end of the day. I saw myself mixing this drink and suddenly felt the positive impact this huge transition has had on me. Everything shifted, fell in place and aligned in one of those moments where you are suddenly very aware of your little place in the universe. It hit me that the steps are all over- we are done with visas (for two years), I managed to snag the first job I applied for, and we are in motion. Things are happening now, and this is the life that was planned for me, the very same one that I chose.
I remembered my teenage dream- moving to Ireland and opening a pub. I had to chuckle- I made it to England, and am working in a pub. Not exactly on target, but a very pleasant alternative. And the thing that makes it all worthwhile? That boy who stole my heart when I was 17 and took me as his wife three months ago. I felt peace, and turned to mix the next drink, once again absorbed in the sounds of inebriated laughter, clanking bottles, and cheerful banter.
And so after work this afternoon, I ran to the store to buy a sandwich for a late lunch, found myself a new pair of gloves and a scarf, and bought that boy I love so much the pair of slippers he pointed out a while back.
Which may or may not have gorilla faces. I'll never tell ;)

Leaving my Problems in my Footprints

Today, I found solace in my run. I haven't gone for one for over a week because I'm really, really good at coming up with excuses. I decided to start my normal route backwards, and then instead of taking the short stretch of trail to the right that quickly circles back into the neighborhood, I decided to turn left on the trail. I felt slightly embarrassed with myself for being so excited at the thought of this. My body felt great running in the woods, with rotten leaves and mud forming a cushion- much easier than running on concrete. It was better for my knees.

It was easy to run today, because Mick and I had this ridiculous argument and quite frankly, I didn't want to go back to the house. I just kept going, and couldn't believe how good it felt in my body to be running. I of course walked a good bit, but I think I ran more on the whole. It was a beautiful route and I think I'll make it my regular jog.
The woods offered multiple little trails, but I wasn't that worried about getting lost because I could still see the houses the entire way (the woods are essentially right in the middle and on the edge of the housing development). I took one little trail that shot off the main one and it led me to a beautiful clearing.

 The trail wrapped around the edge of the circular clearing and led back to the entrance into the woods from where I came. I came upon a woman wearing wellies and walking her chocolate lab who slobbered on me happily. I circled around the clearing and disappeared into the woods again, my anger being eaten away with every step I put between myself and the house.

By the time it started to get dark and I turned for the house (it was very difficult to turn around), I felt pretty excited about running this route every day. This trail is good for my soul. And by the time I reached the house, my real husband (and not the growly bear I left) was waiting for me (now the nice version of myself after a beautiful run) and we were able to talk things over calmly.

Looking forward to my run tomorrow.

Where do your runs take you?

Phriday Photo Phrenzy

My husband's body has been taken over by a Modern Warfaring demon.

I made stuffed peppers for dinner earlier in the week.

Santa is on my coke can. Christmas is nigh!

Cuddles during movie time. "What Lies Beneath" was our movie choice.

Very, very mean bug bite :(

Somebody (daddy) left the treat cup on the floor and left the room... both bunnies took advantage, but here is Harley being naughty :p

Christmas comes fast in England, because they don't have Thanksgiving to break up the time between Halloween and Christmas. I like this and I don't at the same time. I'm hoping to do a little Thanksgiving for us here next Sunday (it's just not practical to do it on a Thursday- nobody gets the day off!), but it will be low-key, because it's my first time cooking all that kind of stuff.
My mother-in-law got us a little 3ft tree to put in our lounge. I'm so excited- I think it would be a nice size to put on the window sill. Because I haven't gotten a job yet and savings are dwindling, I'm going to make pretty paper snowflakes for our ornaments this year with this tutorial. I'll get some glitter pens and make them kind of sparkly. I think it'll be fun.

Hubby's friend is arriving this afternoon for the weekend. Should be a good time.

Happy Friday- have a great weekend!

Oh and ps- I had my national insurance interview yesterday- all went well and my number should arrive in two weeks. In the meantime, I can start looking for work :)

Weekend recap

Packing, moving, a date with the husband for no real reason and a quiet night to myself with Sex and the City 2. Just a bit of what we've been up to around here. And some photos.

It's weird how different a house looks when it's nearly empty. And so echo-y, too!

A night on my own- my husband and his step-dad made another trip back to Bognor for one last load of things on Saturday. Mick and I are house/business/cat sitting for his dad this week, so I had the house to myself and enjoyed a bubble bath of mammoth proportions.

Dinner at a historic inn down the road in this darling little village. Good food, good wine, good times <3

Fresh autumn apples from my father-in-law's garden. I'm thinking some baked cinnamon apples are in order with dinner tonight :)

The Daily Shoot- Cucumbers and Crackers

My husband is a pusher- sometimes the good kind, sometimes the bad kind. Just what kind he is mostly depends on my mood. You see, I am not a pusher. I'm one of those people that needs to be pushed. I like to think of him as a little cattle dog biting at my ankles, trying to get me to go, go, go! Because, I'm a bit slow out of the gate. Once I get started with something and force myself to do it for a while, it eventually becomes habit, and I do well with it. But starting is always the hard part, and that's why it's a good thing I married Mick.

Lately he's been pushing me to do more with my photography. Homesickness is pretty ugly right now, and his sage advice is to do the things I can do that make me happy. And since I'm far from the people I love and miss, this means hobbies. I've always had a creative streak, going back to 4th grade when I wrote my first short story because my awesome teacher really pushed (see? pushing) us to write. We had a glorious silent half hour every morning where we could write anything we wanted. I took advantage of this, and my first story was a scattered conglomeration of the macabre- mummies, werewolves, spiderwebs, etc. Then I wrote my first poem at age 10, something that I've tried to stick with. But as I mentioned the other day, photography makes me feel really good about myself, and that's something I really need right now.

So this afternoon I sat down to my laptop and started looking for photography groups online. I found one called The Daily Shoot. Basically, this guy gives you an assignment every day and you take your photos and then share them on twitter to @dailyshoot. Now, I include my twitter feed on this page, so you should be able to see my name. If not, it's @aindrealm. I think this is a great idea, and today I completed my first assignment. It was technically yesterday's assignment, but it's okay if I'm a bit late, right? Like I said. I'm slow out of the gates.

September 28th, 2011(Day 682) Assignment-

Breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Make a photograph of a yummy part of one of your meals today.

My selection- snack of cucumber and Cracked Pepper Ryvita cracker. I love the way the sun shines through the skin of the cucumber on the left, the texture of the cracker, and the way you can even see where the serrations on the knife left indentations on the flesh of the cucumber.

So there you have it. I may not do this every single day, but I plan to do it several times a week and I'll try to share them all with you. If I forget to, just check my twitter feed on the right side of this page and you should be able see if I've done any.

See you soon :)